OSMRTNICE
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Ne volim kuhat. Ma ne zato što mi to nije napeto, nego vučem traume otprije tridesetak godina kad su neka malena i gladna usta ovisila o meni. Od mojih tragičnih pokušaja spremanja nekog boljeg, zanimljivijeg i modernijeg jela ostala je u zraku samo misao: Koje si nam hovno sad skuhala? Nakon desetak godina ostala je tišina u zraku jer jadni jedu sve što im se stavi pod nos, ali je i dalje tu misao: Koje si nam opet hovno skuhala?

Jedino što mi svaki put ide i o tome je već krenula predaja s koljena na koljeno – to je moja pizza. Ne piiiica nego pizza. Da ne bi bilo zabune. Koja je moja obrana i zaštita? Pa ta što nikad nemam dovoljno vremena da se motam oko špahera i žao mi je materijala koji upotrijebim, a propadne. Primjerice, orahnjača. Koji trud, koje iščekivanje, a koje šranje. Ispadne mi nešto gnjecavo, litasto, neprobavljivo, sam pogled na to izaziva tugu. Nekima se i zacakle oči. Svi govore “nije ti loše”, a svi misle isto “hebote, šteta materijala”.

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Maji je orahnjača ‘špansko selo‘

Berislava Picek/Cropix/
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Pa se uglavnom držim provjerenih jela za koje mi ne treba ni pola mozga, pola sata, pola ruje. Najkrvaviji su mi oni koji misle da me u ovim godinama mogu promijeniti pa mi uporno šalju neke jednostavne recepte za neko genijalno jelo. Maja, nikome do sada to nije propalo, samo slijedi upute. Ja ih lijepo pitam, im li neki dodatak za debile poput mene, tipa, pazi da ti bude ova vrsta brašna, da ti stoji po ure na toplom, a ne na hladnom, pazi da ti se mačka ne popiša po tome i slično. Ma sve je to lagano, ne trebaju ti upute za debile, kaže neko nadobudan. I sutra, naravno, moram slagat glupu facu kad me pita kako je bilo. Nikako! A što se dogodilo?

Među uputama za debile trebalo je pisat da se onaj prvi sastojak ne smije odma miješat jer će ih treći ražjebat. Pa je odma sve splasnulo ko kua. Nije se diglo. Eto, to je. E, hebiga, kaže onaj nadobudni i prekriži me zauvijek s popisa fb prijatelja. Što ću vam reć, ne mogu se pohvaliti da mi je nešto neugodno kad svi oko mene razmjenjuju recepte i daju jedni drugima ideje. Ali kako sam ipak žensko, a ne muško (je li, majke ti?), prikladno odglumim nešto tipa “blago vam se kad znate i imate vremena”. Dok oni čačkaju oko špahera i razmišljaju hoće li ga ugrijat na 220 ili 250, što je drastična razlika, ja sam lektorirala hrpu nekih polupismeni radova, snimila dvije emisije za radio i tri za televiziju.

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Božićni kolači su zahtjevni


 

Bozidar Vukicevic/Cropix
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I usput u slastičarnici kupila gotova kolače koje su moji odmah smazali jednakom brzinom i strašću ko da sam se, da prostite, zahebavala oko njih cijelo jutro. Naravno da su bolji domaći kolači! Ali u nedostatku boljega valjaju i kupovni. Naravno da bi bilo bolje živjeti u nekoj zemlji koja nije vječno u krizi.

Ali u nedostatku bolje, vrijedi i vlastita domovina. E da, tu je i onaj glavni, što kažu kuhari, tajni dodatak. Mrvica ljubavi, između dva prsta (e, te me ričete rasture – koliko je to između dva prsta). Moja dva prsta? Ili dva prsta Veloga Jože? Jer da nije te mrve ljubavi, svi bismo već pobjegli glavom bez obzira i odustali od borbe za bolji život. Ko ja od pravljenja kolača.

Maja

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Maja Milošević

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Maja Milošević

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Božićni kolači su zahtjevni


 

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Maji je orahnjača ‘špansko selo‘

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Ne volim kuhat. Ma ne zato što mi to nije napeto, nego vučem traume otprije tridesetak godina kad su neka malena i gladna usta ovisila o meni. Od mojih tragičnih pokušaja spremanja nekog boljeg, zanimljivijeg i modernijeg jela ostala je u zraku samo misao: Koje si nam hovno sad skuhala? Nakon desetak godina ostala je tišina u zraku jer jadni jedu sve što im se stavi pod nos, ali je i dalje tu misao: Koje si nam opet hovno skuhala?

Jedino što mi svaki put ide i o tome je već krenula predaja s koljena na koljeno – to je moja pizza. Ne piiiica nego pizza. Da ne bi bilo zabune. Koja je moja obrana i zaštita? Pa ta što nikad nemam dovoljno vremena da se motam oko špahera i žao mi je materijala koji upotrijebim, a propadne. Primjerice, orahnjača. Koji trud, koje iščekivanje, a koje šranje. Ispadne mi nešto gnjecavo, litasto, neprobavljivo, sam pogled na to izaziva tugu. Nekima se i zacakle oči. Svi govore “nije ti loše”, a svi misle isto “hebote, šteta materijala”.

---

image


Maji je orahnjača ‘špansko selo‘

Berislava Picek/Cropix/
---

Pa se uglavnom držim provjerenih jela za koje mi ne treba ni pola mozga, pola sata, pola ruje. Najkrvaviji su mi oni koji misle da me u ovim godinama mogu promijeniti pa mi uporno šalju neke jednostavne recepte za neko genijalno jelo. Maja, nikome do sada to nije propalo, samo slijedi upute. Ja ih lijepo pitam, im li neki dodatak za debile poput mene, tipa, pazi da ti bude ova vrsta brašna, da ti stoji po ure na toplom, a ne na hladnom, pazi da ti se mačka ne popiša po tome i slično. Ma sve je to lagano, ne trebaju ti upute za debile, kaže neko nadobudan. I sutra, naravno, moram slagat glupu facu kad me pita kako je bilo. Nikako! A što se dogodilo?

Među uputama za debile trebalo je pisat da se onaj prvi sastojak ne smije odma miješat jer će ih treći ražjebat. Pa je odma sve splasnulo ko kua. Nije se diglo. Eto, to je. E, hebiga, kaže onaj nadobudni i prekriži me zauvijek s popisa fb prijatelja. Što ću vam reć, ne mogu se pohvaliti da mi je nešto neugodno kad svi oko mene razmjenjuju recepte i daju jedni drugima ideje. Ali kako sam ipak žensko, a ne muško (je li, majke ti?), prikladno odglumim nešto tipa “blago vam se kad znate i imate vremena”. Dok oni čačkaju oko špahera i razmišljaju hoće li ga ugrijat na 220 ili 250, što je drastična razlika, ja sam lektorirala hrpu nekih polupismeni radova, snimila dvije emisije za radio i tri za televiziju.

---

image

Božićni kolači su zahtjevni


 

Bozidar Vukicevic/Cropix
---

I usput u slastičarnici kupila gotova kolače koje su moji odmah smazali jednakom brzinom i strašću ko da sam se, da prostite, zahebavala oko njih cijelo jutro. Naravno da su bolji domaći kolači! Ali u nedostatku boljega valjaju i kupovni. Naravno da bi bilo bolje živjeti u nekoj zemlji koja nije vječno u krizi.

Ali u nedostatku bolje, vrijedi i vlastita domovina. E da, tu je i onaj glavni, što kažu kuhari, tajni dodatak. Mrvica ljubavi, između dva prsta (e, te me ričete rasture – koliko je to između dva prsta). Moja dva prsta? Ili dva prsta Veloga Jože? Jer da nije te mrve ljubavi, svi bismo već pobjegli glavom bez obzira i odustali od borbe za bolji život. Ko ja od pravljenja kolača.

Maja

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Tonći Plazibat/cropix Bozidar Vukicevic/Cropix Berislava Picek/Cropix/
Tonći Plazibat/cropix

Maja Milošević
Bozidar Vukicevic/Cropix

Božićni kolači su zahtjevni


 
Berislava Picek/Cropix/


Maji je orahnjača ‘špansko selo‘
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StoryEditorOCM
MišljenjaMaštela

Kuhanje mi je slaba točka. Primjerice, orahnjača. Ispadne mi nešto gnjecavo, litasto, neprobavljivo, svi govore “nije ti loše”, a svi misle isto da je šteta materijala...

Piše Maja Milošević
9. prosinca 2023. - 13:02
&lt;p&gt;Maja Milošević&lt;/p&gt;
Galerija
Maja MiloševićTonći Plazibat/cropix

Ne volim kuhat. Ma ne zato što mi to nije napeto, nego vučem traume otprije tridesetak godina kad su neka malena i gladna usta ovisila o meni. Od mojih tragičnih pokušaja spremanja nekog boljeg, zanimljivijeg i modernijeg jela ostala je u zraku samo misao: Koje si nam hovno sad skuhala? Nakon desetak godina ostala je tišina u zraku jer jadni jedu sve što im se stavi pod nos, ali je i dalje tu misao: Koje si nam opet hovno skuhala?

Jedino što mi svaki put ide i o tome je već krenula predaja s koljena na koljeno – to je moja pizza. Ne piiiica nego pizza. Da ne bi bilo zabune. Koja je moja obrana i zaštita? Pa ta što nikad nemam dovoljno vremena da se motam oko špahera i žao mi je materijala koji upotrijebim, a propadne. Primjerice, orahnjača. Koji trud, koje iščekivanje, a koje šranje. Ispadne mi nešto gnjecavo, litasto, neprobavljivo, sam pogled na to izaziva tugu. Nekima se i zacakle oči. Svi govore “nije ti loše”, a svi misle isto “hebote, šteta materijala”.

image


Maji je orahnjača ‘špansko selo‘

Berislava Picek/Cropix/

Pa se uglavnom držim provjerenih jela za koje mi ne treba ni pola mozga, pola sata, pola ruje. Najkrvaviji su mi oni koji misle da me u ovim godinama mogu promijeniti pa mi uporno šalju neke jednostavne recepte za neko genijalno jelo. Maja, nikome do sada to nije propalo, samo slijedi upute. Ja ih lijepo pitam, im li neki dodatak za debile poput mene, tipa, pazi da ti bude ova vrsta brašna, da ti stoji po ure na toplom, a ne na hladnom, pazi da ti se mačka ne popiša po tome i slično. Ma sve je to lagano, ne trebaju ti upute za debile, kaže neko nadobudan. I sutra, naravno, moram slagat glupu facu kad me pita kako je bilo. Nikako! A što se dogodilo?

Među uputama za debile trebalo je pisat da se onaj prvi sastojak ne smije odma miješat jer će ih treći ražjebat. Pa je odma sve splasnulo ko kua. Nije se diglo. Eto, to je. E, hebiga, kaže onaj nadobudni i prekriži me zauvijek s popisa fb prijatelja. Što ću vam reć, ne mogu se pohvaliti da mi je nešto neugodno kad svi oko mene razmjenjuju recepte i daju jedni drugima ideje. Ali kako sam ipak žensko, a ne muško (je li, majke ti?), prikladno odglumim nešto tipa “blago vam se kad znate i imate vremena”. Dok oni čačkaju oko špahera i razmišljaju hoće li ga ugrijat na 220 ili 250, što je drastična razlika, ja sam lektorirala hrpu nekih polupismeni radova, snimila dvije emisije za radio i tri za televiziju.

image

Božićni kolači su zahtjevni


 

Bozidar Vukicevic/Cropix

I usput u slastičarnici kupila gotova kolače koje su moji odmah smazali jednakom brzinom i strašću ko da sam se, da prostite, zahebavala oko njih cijelo jutro. Naravno da su bolji domaći kolači! Ali u nedostatku boljega valjaju i kupovni. Naravno da bi bilo bolje živjeti u nekoj zemlji koja nije vječno u krizi.

Ali u nedostatku bolje, vrijedi i vlastita domovina. E da, tu je i onaj glavni, što kažu kuhari, tajni dodatak. Mrvica ljubavi, između dva prsta (e, te me ričete rasture – koliko je to između dva prsta). Moja dva prsta? Ili dva prsta Veloga Jože? Jer da nije te mrve ljubavi, svi bismo već pobjegli glavom bez obzira i odustali od borbe za bolji život. Ko ja od pravljenja kolača.

Maja

#ORAHNJAČA#BOŽIĆNI KOLAČI#MAJA MILOŠEVIĆ#MAŠTELA#KUHANJE
12. svibanj 2024 02:54