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[title] => SVAKODNEVICA U DOBA KORONE Meni je prđenje smisao života, a on se nakon toliko godina braka još uvijek ispriča kad ga odvali!
[alias] => svakodnevica-u-doba-korone-meni-je-prdenje-smisao-zivota-a-on-se-nakon-toliko-godina-braka-jos-uvijek-isprica-kad-ga-odvali
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[fulltext] => Da bi čovjek preživio u braku u vrijeme korone i ostao relativno, (ali ne i apsolutno) normalan, mora se uglavnom smijat. A neš valjda plakat. Npr. kad se tvoja bolja polovica sagne da zaveže špigete pa bestima jer od stomka ne može dokučit crevje. Ili kad ga uhvati napad kihanja jer je proljeće, a alergičan je i na mene. S druge strane, meni je npr. prđenje smisao života. Mislim, moraš ga odvalit. Pa potpisali smo i u dobru i zlu. S tim što je meni tada vrlo dobro, a njemu je zlo. Kaže da mu otpadaju trepavice od smrada. I nakon toliko godina braka, on se još uvijek ispriča kad ga odvali.
Čak i pocrveni, majke mi! Ja ga odvalim i umrem od smijeha. Jednog dana kad pukneš, kažem ja njemu, to neće bit normalan isprd nego potres od 9 stupnjeva Merkalijeve ljestvice. Prije korone, zamjero mi je što s vrata fizdim ludih, a da prije ne provjerim ko je u kući. Možda je došao neki engleski lord? «Đe ste, pederi!» - vrištim sva sretna što sam se riješila posla. Gostu se zagrcne onaj čips u grlu i odma odvali kako ima neki neodgodiv poso na Islandu. Inače, takav gost je i neki pušač. I čibuči. Nakon uru robe ne vidimo se od dima.
Smrdi cijela kuća. Moj dobrić i dalje se pristojno smiješi jer nije tip koji bi ga poslo u p. m. Zato sam ja tu. Otvorim sve prozore (vani je minus 30!) i kažem gostu: «A da ga popušiš vanka, ha?». Jer kad je neko bezobrazan, ja postajem još gora. Srećom, korona je sve vezala uz vlastitu kuću. Imaš ti inače likova koji ti dođu nenajavljeni u kurtoaznu posjetu i zadrže se tri sata umjesto ugodnih po ure. Sad ćemo ti mi, gazdarice, otić - kaže udomaćeni gost dok sam sebi ulijeva još jednu čašu pića i mijenja program na mojoj telki jer ga nervira obrazovni program. Da ne bi slučajno čuo što pametno. Ma nemojte, ostanite još 5 sati da odradimo cijelu jednu smjenu!- kažem ja.
Što me još nervira ovih dana? Primjerice, kako se moj lik dereči kad razgovara na telefon. Toliko da bi ga sugovornici mogli čut i pješke. Kažem mu, ne treba ti zato slušalica. Pođi na brdo i dovikuj se. Sit se ispričaj. Onda, preuredan je za mene. A ja sam kraljica kreativnog nereda. El nino je mila majka što ostane iza mene kad se vratim s posla. Kad mi poslije nešto treba, idem i bestimam kroz kuću tražeći đe sam ono ostavila. Da, ali ja se znam snać u tom neredu. (Ha, ha – čujem otrovni smijeh) On sve složi na neko mjesto i opet ne zna đe je. Ne znam kako u vas, ali ovih dana, kad god hoću u zahod, neko je već tamo u ugodnom bivstvovanju od najmanje 45 minuta. Surfa po društvenim mrežama. Ja čamim četiri sata čekajući i ispred vrata plešem indijanski ples.
Kad mi treba kuhinja, neko od mojih već mijesi nešto što se izmijesit ne da. Kad hoću gledat neku glupu tursku seriju na koju sam se navukla u zadnje vrijeme, njima se gledaju nogometne tekme od prije 300 godina. Najkrvaviji mi je komentar, sad bi mogo gol. Ko da gledaju prvi put, majke mi. Srećom imam balkon. Pa ću u jednom momentu i ja počet pjevat ko
Evita Peron. A vi mi samo donosite lovu ko njoj. A može i malo verdure.
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[text] => {OCMSplitter}Da bi čovjek preživio u braku u vrijeme korone i ostao relativno, (ali ne i apsolutno) normalan, mora se uglavnom smijat. A neš valjda plakat. Npr. kad se tvoja bolja polovica sagne da zaveže špigete pa bestima jer od stomka ne može dokučit crevje. Ili kad ga uhvati napad kihanja jer je proljeće, a alergičan je i na mene. S druge strane, meni je npr. prđenje smisao života. Mislim, moraš ga odvalit. Pa potpisali smo i u dobru i zlu. S tim što je meni tada vrlo dobro, a njemu je zlo. Kaže da mu otpadaju trepavice od smrada. I nakon toliko godina braka, on se još uvijek ispriča kad ga odvali.
Čak i pocrveni, majke mi! Ja ga odvalim i umrem od smijeha. Jednog dana kad pukneš, kažem ja njemu, to neće bit normalan isprd nego potres od 9 stupnjeva Merkalijeve ljestvice. Prije korone, zamjero mi je što s vrata fizdim ludih, a da prije ne provjerim ko je u kući. Možda je došao neki engleski lord? «Đe ste, pederi!» - vrištim sva sretna što sam se riješila posla. Gostu se zagrcne onaj čips u grlu i odma odvali kako ima neki neodgodiv poso na Islandu. Inače, takav gost je i neki pušač. I čibuči. Nakon uru robe ne vidimo se od dima.
Smrdi cijela kuća. Moj dobrić i dalje se pristojno smiješi jer nije tip koji bi ga poslo u p. m. Zato sam ja tu. Otvorim sve prozore (vani je minus 30!) i kažem gostu: «A da ga popušiš vanka, ha?». Jer kad je neko bezobrazan, ja postajem još gora. Srećom, korona je sve vezala uz vlastitu kuću. Imaš ti inače likova koji ti dođu nenajavljeni u kurtoaznu posjetu i zadrže se tri sata umjesto ugodnih po ure. Sad ćemo ti mi, gazdarice, otić - kaže udomaćeni gost dok sam sebi ulijeva još jednu čašu pića i mijenja program na mojoj telki jer ga nervira obrazovni program. Da ne bi slučajno čuo što pametno. Ma nemojte, ostanite još 5 sati da odradimo cijelu jednu smjenu!- kažem ja.
Što me još nervira ovih dana? Primjerice, kako se moj lik dereči kad razgovara na telefon. Toliko da bi ga sugovornici mogli čut i pješke. Kažem mu, ne treba ti zato slušalica. Pođi na brdo i dovikuj se. Sit se ispričaj. Onda, preuredan je za mene. A ja sam kraljica kreativnog nereda. El nino je mila majka što ostane iza mene kad se vratim s posla. Kad mi poslije nešto treba, idem i bestimam kroz kuću tražeći đe sam ono ostavila. Da, ali ja se znam snać u tom neredu. (Ha, ha – čujem otrovni smijeh) On sve složi na neko mjesto i opet ne zna đe je. Ne znam kako u vas, ali ovih dana, kad god hoću u zahod, neko je već tamo u ugodnom bivstvovanju od najmanje 45 minuta. Surfa po društvenim mrežama. Ja čamim četiri sata čekajući i ispred vrata plešem indijanski ples.
Kad mi treba kuhinja, neko od mojih već mijesi nešto što se izmijesit ne da. Kad hoću gledat neku glupu tursku seriju na koju sam se navukla u zadnje vrijeme, njima se gledaju nogometne tekme od prije 300 godina. Najkrvaviji mi je komentar, sad bi mogo gol. Ko da gledaju prvi put, majke mi. Srećom imam balkon. Pa ću u jednom momentu i ja počet pjevat ko
Evita Peron. A vi mi samo donosite lovu ko njoj. A može i malo verdure.
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[alias] => related_on_bottom
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[ordering] => 19
[alias] => live_button
)
)
11. svibanj 2024 12:12
